Some time alone

Yesterday night, my younger brother called me a hypocrite when I scolded him for disobeying my mother. I stood there stunned, and for the first time, i couldn't argue back with him. Because i really feel like the greatest hypocrite inside. I haven't told my parents or anyone at home what i'm going through and i'm feel so bad having to pretend and fake my facial expressions  at home. Even at home, i have to pretend. It really sucks.

Even in school, i'm not spared either. Whenever my friends talk about relationships, i really feel like sticking a masking tape over their mouth. The last word I want to hear now is "relationship". But that will be so selfish of me, cause they are innocent and they have all the freedom to say whatever they want. The problem lies with me. Even worse, i have to fake a laughter when they say a joke and the feeling is really like...crap. I wish I can stay at home and study instead.

I wish I can go to a place where no one recognise me, so I don't have to pretend anymore. I want to start afresh.

If there was a restart button in life, i would have pressed it already.

I hate being asked the question"why?", especially when I said i can't go for something. Just cancelled a few appointments with some people cause i'm really not in a mood to meet anyone. Some will ask "why?" which I don't really want to reply. I actually prefer those group of people who don't ask any questions. Cause it's pretty obvious if I can't make it and I don't say the reason, it means I don't want to say it, right.

I think at this point, i really need some time to be alone. Some time of my own to  do some soul-searching.