Yes I'm finally 21! Can call myself an adult now, haha!
Had a simple birthday celebration with my family to mark this occasion. Even though I didn't have a fanciful party like some of my peers do, I'm thankful that at the very least, I have my family to celebrate my birthday for me unlike some people who don't have their family with them.
Thank God that recess week for Uni is finally here and it was much needed. University life is no life, seriously. Ever since Uni started, I haven't had a single day to catch my breath. Every day, there will be something new to learn and unlike JC, the things taught are of higher thought level. So the things that I can't understand kept snowballing and now, I'm lagging behind by approximately 3 weeks. I don't think I need to say how immense the stress I'm having is.
I always thought it's just me facing this and I can't understand how some people(excluding the scholars from China cause they're just too smart) in Uni and walk around as if they have a lot of free time and they got a joy in their face. I think I go to school with a sullen face everyday, lol! But I think God is good, He placed a Christian friend in my class who encouraged me a lot after I vented out my frustrations. Even though the things he said are what I've already known, somehow having someone to talk and listen to makes it different from than just knowing it in your head.
Truly, I shouldn't let my studies affect my whole being so negatively. No doubt we are to excel in our studies and glorify God but if we cross the limit and move on to being so obsessed with getting good grades, then we are missing the point. I admit I was obsessed with my studies at one point and it was scary, cause for that period, I had thoughts of taking a break and not coming church and cg to catch up with my studies. The battle in my mind was crazy; I was debating with myself mentally and it was mentally draining.
I think Pastor Tan preached a sermon on what I'm going through right now from the book of Exodus during SOT. God told His people on the 7th day of every week, they are to have the Sabbath to rest and for the subsequent years, the 7th year(7, 14, 21, 28, etc.) will be a year of rest. To have sabbath on every week, is still considered easy. Just one day of not working and trusting God for the harvest. But, when it comes to the 7th year, when you see all your neighbors working and sowing and reaping a harvest when you do nothing for one whole year, can you still trust God that He will provide for you? Imagine, one whole year! You'll start to wonder if you can really trust God. It takes a lot more to trust God for the 7th year.
I think it's exactly true for me. Logically, my classmates and my friends have the weekends to study and do their assignments while I serve Jams and attend service on Saturday and cgm on Sunday. Honestly, and being a very logical person, I've been having constant thought of being shortchanged by sacrificing my time. And sometimes, I don't even get appreciated for what I'm doing. But then, I'm reminded of what Pastor Tan said and even though I don't have time to study as much as others do, will I still trust God that he will be able to do exceedingly, abundantly, above all that I ask or think?
I like what my Christian friend told me. He said, "Actually by being able to come to Uni, it's already a miracle for me. From primary to JC, I was never hardworking, always making havoc in class and many times, my parents were called to school because teachers complain. The fact that I can get into Uni, is God's grace." His situation was the same for me. Personally, I don't think I deserve a place in Uni. Not only in Uni, but for anything in my life. The place I'm born in, the parents and friends I have, etc. I don't deserve it all in the first place. It's because God gave them all to me, that's why I have it. Just like what Job said, "Naked I come into this world, naked I go."
This thought released much of the pressure and stress I have placed on myself. I realized that no matter what happens to me in life, it can't be anything worse that going to hell. Even if I fail in my Uni studies, or if my family goes bankrupt, or if I contract a terminal illness, will I still trust God? Or will I blame God and leave Him? It's very easy to say the right answer when everything is going fine, but the true trial comes, when all hell breaks loose and everything is going wrong.
I'm alright with failures but I'm worried about my parents, cause they have high expectations of me. Even after my birthday celebration just now, my father talked to me about what he wants me to be in life and to not focus so much on church, and to study hard and to get degree, etc. Sigh, just when I thought turning 21 means I can finally make my own decisions in life, oh well.
Nevertheless, I'm still gonna make my own decisions in life cause whatever that will happen to me is my responsibility and I'm the one experiencing it.
I'm actually a very simple person and easily contended. I don't need much to be satisfied. My parents want me to earn big bucks. But for me, I don't need to stay in a condo, drive a car, earn 5 digits a month.. I just want to fulfill my calling, have a nice family and live a happy life.
