Dear Diary,

I finished all my papers today! =)

Maths-Can pass, hope can get A
Chemistry-Sure fail
Physics-Either fail or borderline pass

Sian really wasted la. Should have studied since the start of holiday instead of procrastinating till the last week. Going to get suan by Mr Suren and counseled by Mr Low when my results come out.

Dear Diary,

I don't know what's wrong with my life now but I know there is something really wrong. Just can't describe it. I got this weird nonchalent feeling in everything I do now. No more passion and enthusiasm. Sort of afraid of doing too many things at a time. Maybe the impeding "A" levels is invoking such feelings inside me. *Draws "A" level on a board and shoots darts at it".*

Dear Diary,

I just realised one of my childhood dream cannot come to pass while studying quantum physics. It was out of syallabus and I still went to read. Shouldn't have read that section. Ignorance is bliss sometimes. Goodbye to the dream of teleportation.

Dear Diary,

I'm gonna start mugging like a robot next week onwards. One day at least 6 hours. 130 days to A level. I would have studied 780 hours by then. It's just that, there is something I really want to do and get it over with, before I can mug in peace. Hahahahah, just thinking about it makes me wanna laugh. =D

Dear Diary,

I'm glad to say that I've been "unPO-ed" by my father! =)

The past 5 days have been crazy. Cold war with my father, never say anything else other than "hi" and "bye". Felt so awkward to say anything. So I spent my whole time mugging and mugging and more mugging. I think one day study at least 10 hours. Didn't think it was so easy to overcome PO. Just by studying...Parents really have a funny way of deriving joy. I think all those members with PO will be jealous of me, lol. =x

My favourite place to mug: National Library =)
Good facilities, space and everything. Even the toilets so high-class. Air-con super cold which I like. Food and drinks allowed!! I'm gonna bring Starbucks/Coffee bean there next time man.

Used to hate traveling in the train last time cause it is a waste of time. Now I really enjoyed traveling. Can use the time to sleep/take a break and allow my mind to absorb whatever I have learned. Now I really love studying. It is so much better than playing Dota. If only my father scolded me earlier in the year.

Dear Diary,

I just self-owned myself cause I did something really stupid. Angel just pointed me to that fact. Ah never mind, what's done cannot be undone. Life is really weird something. The thing you least expected to happen always happen. -.-...

Dear Diary,

SOS bible study was super good! I really missed those times of intellectual studying, discovering and explanation of God's Word. It is just incredible how every SINGLE word, comma, full-stop really means something in the Bible. Now I realized how immature I am compared to the mature love of the Shunamite woman. I must learn from her example. It's not able me and myself anymore, but about his people.

Dear Diary,

I want to move on, but I still haven't find my best friend yet. I tried to find one but I have found none. But after two month of searching, I realised I don't need to have a best friend. I'm happy now with all my CG members and church friends with me. Funny how it ended up like this. So I guess I've moved on? Hahaha =)

Dear Diary,

School is starting in 2 days time. I really don't want to go back to school now. Monday-wednesday common tests. Haven't studied enough. Just when I started to like studying, there isn't enough time to study for the exams. Haix...

135 days to A level. If I study 10 hours everyday, maybe still got chance to get Straight As. Jia you Gary! You can do it, with the grace of God!

Last week of holidays, not very good...petition to extend the holidays didn't seem to go well.

My father PO-ed me on Monday, said I spent too much time in church, come back home also never study. It is quite true, cause the past 3 weeks I've been going out like mad, then come back home facebook/Dota. Seriously no mood to study. So he said when school starts, he won't allow me to go CG and he won't allow the house to be used for CG. Cool, first time getting PO. Now I know how my members are feeling.

So, so the past 2 days I've been mugging like mad. Studying at westmall mac from 6pm-11pm. Reach home at midnight purposely and off the router, then go study somemore. I'm like a robot devoid of emotions now. Just hope by doing this, my father will allow my house to be used for CG again.

Next week got maths, chem, physics common test. Woo haven't study for maths and chem. Physics got 20 topics, studied 4 only. One topic like super long, need at least 2-3 hours, depending on how many TYS questions there are in that topic.

Overslept yesterday when taking 187. It was the last bus so I walked all the way home from JP. Felt so lonely yesterday for no reason, like some lost child without a home to go to. Sometimes, home isn't the best place to go to anyway. I understand how CC feel when he says he don't like going home too. Strangely, I'm started to feel exactly how my friends are feeling. Maybe it is God's way of teaching me how to put myself in other people's shoes. So next time, I can use my experience and encourage the people around me, especially those in CG.

Going to study at westmall mac again. I think my father's scolding has some positive side effects. It gave me the motivation I so needed for studying. At least I'm a mugger by nature-I can sit still and just study without moving for super long period of time. Time to unleash the mugger in me.

First post of my "new" blog. =)

Dear Diary,

I just enjoy writing down my thoughts now, since sharing with other people sometimes seems too difficult.

I am going to try posting for my personal pleasure, and not for anyone else sake. Anyway no one comes here too. =D

Dear Diary,

I was quite disappointed today cause service attendance crashed. Suddenly last minute everyone all cannot make it. "When the cat is away, the mice will play". Talked with Rosalyn about the state of the CG and we both feel that the members are so slack nowadays. In the past, we will do anything just to come for service and CG. I remember back in 2005 emerge, I had a high fever of 39.7 degrees yet I still came for the night session. Now, just because of a slight flu or cough, members don't want to come already. I felt really dismayed, but there is nothing I can do. God I just pray that you'll help the members to be more mature.

Dear Diary,

Do you know I've been liking someone for more than 2 years? I've been trying to keep it as a secret and only told someone else about it after like 1 year. I really want to express my feelings but I'm so scared of getting rejected. It is painful to have a crush on someone and you can't let that person know about it. Quoting from one of the channel 8 drama, "An lian shi tong ku de". So true...

I feel so awkward everything I look at her I have to pretend I don't like her. The worse part is she is so pretty, so many people like her as well. And the funny thing is that I wasn't attracted to her when I first saw her. But her smile and jovial character soon set my heart fluttering. Started to fall in love with her after one combined CG outing in west coast park.

Soon after, I wanted to find out her name and everything about her. But I'm such a coward, don't even dare to say a simple "hi". Maybe that is why I haven't got into a single relationship before. Or maybe I just not as handsome and hot as all the other guys out there. Different people have different talents. I just don't have the talent of looks, oh well...

Feel so good to type it all out. Somehow I'm not afraid of her knowing already, I'm prepared for the worst. Maybe I should just confess to her. Then I can start mugging for A level in peace. =)

Dear Diary,

I haven't found my best friend yet after nearly two months. When will he/she come? I need a best friend to talk to now. I don't need advises, I just need a listening ear. I'm tired of finding a best friend already. If only finding one was so easy as ABC...
*Wishing for one to just fall from the sky and land right beside me now*

Dear Diary,

I thought it was abnormal to not be in a relationship after 17 years of life. I thought either I was too ugly, too stupid, too retarded, too crazy, too unlikeable. But Xinying told me she also haven't been in one before. I was quite surprised. Given her looks, it was unbelievable. Maybe she rejected a lot of people already, lol.

I know it is crazy but I want to get into a relationship now, before I go NS. If not, I wouldn't be able to get into one for the next 11 years.
NS-3 years
UNI-4 years with degree
NIE-3 years ( Yes I definitely want to be a teacher)
Find Job- 1 year
Total: 11 years

Cool man...I'll be like 29 years old before I can get into a relationship? Wow...think I'll get married at 30 years old then.

I was telling one of my classmates that I've never hugged a girl before and he was shocked, lol. Hold hands got, cause Pastor sometimes say "hold your neightbour's hand". I want to know the feeling of being hugged, that simple. Don't need kiss, just hug. Man, I sound like a deprived kid that has been living by himself for the past 17 years. To a certain extent, yes.

Maybe I'm desperate, but I think I'll accept any girl who likes me now. Anyway it is more blessed to be love. =)

I wonder how you're doing now...wonder if you're still reading my blog like you used to...

You know, you're the reason why I sort of temporarily quit blogging? Yea I admit, you're the reason why I blog (or continued to blog) in the first place. Actually wanted to quit blogging like gazillion years ago but your unexpected appearance hindered me from doing so.

Felt really happy when you called me on 2nd of June, thought everything-this nightmare I was having, was going to be over. Little did I know it was just the start.

I really miss you, like a child misses his blanket. You might think that I don't care about you anymore, cause I stopped calling or smsing. Well I am afraid to do so, afraid to be ignored by you again, ever since you stopped replying my calls/smses that faithful day.

You said to move on. "Move on": 2 simple words, but a whole lot of meaning behind them. You know that I'll really do just that? I will listen to whatever you say, you being my best friend. Of course not doing things that is beyond my will, like asking me to die or sin against God. But really anything else, I'll do it.

Since you have been gone, well I still haven't find another best friend to fill in that place. That place rightfully belong to you, waiting for you to come back.

Lots of things happened since then. Was so happy to be playing the keyboard for Inspire Youth Camp. Wanted to share with you, but realized immediately you'll just ignore my call/sms.

No doubt, made lots of friends during the camp, especially my wonderful group of Muzo that I'm bonded with. But still, it is hard to find a friend that you can share all your problems with, call up and talk for 5 hours on the phone till 4am in the morning and laugh and be merry together.

Maybe it is time for me to write a new chapter in my life.

So the story unfolds...

Strangely, I feel sort of emotionally released by blogging. Guess it is good to do so occasionally.

Just in case you're reading this, I just want to thank you for being my best friend for the past 491 days.

Astarmist