Been a while since I last blogged, maybe the reason is...I like long posts? Haha =X

Anyway, continuing from the last post, I got my marksmanship badge and $200. =)

Then after that...I can't really remember all that has happened for the past 6 weeks.

Just want to say this from my heart, that even though it might sound a bit emo, but it's what I've been thinking and going through in my camp.

The people in the world out there are totally unlike people in church; church is a really nice and safe haven that I always longed to go and I'm always looking forward to the weekend.

Somehow, the golden rule, do unto others what you want others to do unto you, isn't applicable in army. I mean I realized that in BMT already but like what Dr A.R Bernard said, that we being people of faith, always look for the best and even when we are out rightly deceived and lied to by people around us, we still want to believe in them.

There are some people that have 90% of the words they say that are false, till the point that I don't even know whether they are telling the truth or not, be it how convincing it may sound. But still I trust them and get taken advantage of, make used of, make fun of, bullied verbally (thank God fighting is a chargeable offense and will be sent to DB).

And I have been suppressing all my frustrations and anger for the past 1 year, cause it seems so insignificant on its own individual event, that I never would have thought it possible for it to be accumulated till the point that I suddenly burst out when one guy make fun of me and it became an ugly scene and the whole company saw it. The other guy tried to punch me but I just backed off and we were both super heated. I wasn't thinking sensibly at that moment. But after that, I went to talk to him and I apologized to him first and it was resolved.

But after the whole incident, it made me realize something. One of my camp mate once said, "You Christians are so naive and gullible, always so good to others, then let people take advantage."

I think it's true to a certain extent. We try so hard to please everyone, but fail miserably. Cause there will always be someone, anyone, who think that everything we do is wrong. I tried so hard to be the good guy in every situation, tried to please my CSM, tried to please my sergeants, my platoon mates, etc. Frankly, I really really really really tired of trying to please them all. Cause there are so many politics and backstabbing going around, these group don't like that group, person A don't like person B, etc. Then I try to side both, but one day, when the both come together, what will happen? It's a rhetorical question. The answer is obvious. I die.

So then, must we always be likeable to everyone? I think not. In the bible, Jesus himself had people who didn't like him, the scribes and pharisee mainly. Because He knows who to please, he knows what to do, and that is the obey and please Father God.

I don't really care if there are people who don't like me, people who you think are your friends but in reality, are not. Cause when you need help and you are in trouble, they are the first one to flee. That's why, I don't really have very close outside friends. Cause not many of them will be there when I need help or when I'm feeling down. It's a dog-eat-dog world out there.

But one thing I do, I want to do the things that will please God. I used to be afraid of people saying bad things about me when I'm not like that, to be judged even before you could say or do anything. Like when one of them said, "you slacker, didn't know you so slack" when I just taking a short 5 mins break when he himself have been resting the whole time. It gets very annoying sometimes. I mean like, even if I'm really slacking, you still get same pay, why are you even complaining? Hello??? Wake up your idea please.

But the saddest thing is, when you do more and you try to be hardworking, people say these kind of words that really hurt a lot. If I really am slacking, those words won't mean anything.

That's why, it is important to know who to please.

Just want to say, I'm human too. I have feelings, I have emotions, I have a limit to my tolerance. Don't treat me like a robot. Even though I do wish my tolerance has no limit, so I could endure anything that comes my way, but sadly, I don't.

Sorry God for letting you down when I couldn't control myself. But it is through times like this that I know I can't do it on my own; with my own strength it is impossible. But with God, all things are possible. The word 'with' connotes partnership. I do my part, God do His part. I'll build my patience, my long suffering, my tolerance, cause I know that there will be greater trials and tribulations ahead and I want to be an overcomer.

Romans 5:1-5

Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

One thing I learned in this walk with God, is that the life of a Christian isn't a bed of roses. There will be tough times but the good news is, God will be with us during those times.

Days to ORD: 81 (time really flies)