FB status says it all:

Haix...the worst-case scenario happened. All that I studied for didn't come out. Or rather, whatever I studied all go blank during exams. =(

Continuing from prelims:

4. Math paper 2

I must admit I'm too complacent already. Not enough time to do finish paper, and the last few questions were the easiest. No wonder I spent so much time in the front questions. Dang there goes my A, or even worse, maybe can't even get a C. Oh God, Math is my only stronghold left please don't let it fall...

5. Chemistry paper 2

God is good, the paper was easy and it is the only paper in this whole prelims that I got enough time to complete every single question. So balancing paper 2 and 3, I should be able to pass. All that is left is paper 1, and Mr.Suren said it will be extremely difficult cause he set it. -.-...

6. Physics paper 2

20 marks gone out of 60. A few careless mistakes and a subsequent failure is almost certain. Haix no mood to study la, study also no use...

Left Economics which is tomorrow and Chemistry paper 1 this friday before 2nd week of prelims end. And there is still the 3rd week. High man...

Thanks for all the encouragement, really need them badly. I'm not a superman after all, guess I need people to encourage me, lol...

The aftermath of studying late at night:

My whole mouth is full of ulcers now. It's painful but nothing I can't endure. Just live with it as if it is temporarily part of me right now.

My whole body is in a automated sleeping late mechanism now. Soon my alarm clock will prove to be obsolete and hopefully I'll not oversleep during any of my examination dates.

My whole mind is extremely exhausted; it feels like I'm wearing an iron shell over it. Cannot absorb much information.

Yet after all these negative outcomes, the only time I can study is at night. Oh wells...live with it. Take it as pre-commando training.

The beginning of a perilous journey:

First week of prelims is finally over, seemed like a long time for what only started less than 4 days ago.

Papers that are over:

1. Math paper 1

Yea don't need to study for math. But didn't do math for so long, suddenly rusty already. Didn't do finish one question due to lack of time -.-...

2. General Paper 1 and 2

Paper 1 was super fun, had a great time writing about this topic:

Write between 500-800 words. "There is nothing money cannot buy. Discuss"

I love writing =) (like duh, the main reason why I'm blogging right now.)

Speaking of which, I really need money!!! Argh, spent so much money for the past few months already, it's amazing how my 3 digits saving became a single digit in a blink of an eye. =(

Paper 2 was a killer, and my brain couldn't function properly due to lack of sleep. The more I think, the more painful it became.

3. Chemistry paper 3

3 hours to do 4 questions, 20 marks each . Super super super saddening cause I spent so much time on the first 2 questions making sure every answer was perfect then left 20 mins to do the last 2 questions! Which is like almost impossible. In the end only did 3.5 questions, 30 marks gone just like that...Nvm, God will make a way. Still got paper 2 and 1 which I must really study for it if I want to get good grades.

And this is just the beginning, still got 2 more weeks left.

After 2 more weeks, still got "A" levels.

After "A" levels, then got NS.

After NS, still need go uni.

After uni, then can finally lead a life of my own choice. Cause for all the above, those are my parents' expectations. Haix, can't wait to be an adult.

This really is going to be a looooooooooooooooong journey.

I'm not supposed to blog now cause I should be studying. But my whole family is watching MAN U match now so I'm blogging in secret =X. Yea my whole family, including my mum, is a MAN U supporter!(Lol my mum has been brainwashed by my dad, hahaha!)

Many things to blog about, but I will be selective, due to limited amount of time.

I just self-owned myself last friday cause I was super careless.

Went out to MAC to study at 10pm. Study till 2.30am then I went back home and got one of the greatest shock of my life.

I forgot to bring my house keys!!! =(

Called my maid but she didn't pick up. Didn't want to ring the bell cause I'm afraid to wake my parents up. I was quite angry at myself, for being so careless. >.<

Feeling bored and restless, I decided to walk all the way to Yuhua Village MAC with my SUPER HEAVY bag(cause of all my study materials -.-...)

Drank red bull for energy and I got "high", lol. Talked to myself along the way, haha. =X It was such a long and arduous journey; my hands were aching and I was perspiring profusely.

Finally reached MAC and tried to sleep but failed, all because of the stupid red bull. Argh.................................!!!! 2nd time sleeping-over at MAC and I really don't like it. Can't sleep properly =(

So I waited till 7am and went back home and then my maid messaged me one of the most epic sms in my life. Here it goes: " I am very sorry. I'm in deep sleep. I didn't hear my fon ringing. Why u never press the door bell? Where are you now?"

GGIFIED!

So went back home, bathed, changed and went to church cause I don't want to get tempted and oversleep at home.

Gave BS and suddenly felt energetic, by the grace of God =). Went for usher and I volunteered to serve traffic cause I forgot to wear formal, haha. Then realised today my section don't need serve, but I want to serve traffic cause I'm like the only guy there, super lack of manpower, haha.

Traffic is fun, see all those cars driving by. Sian, managed to see one audi only. Keep seeing toyota and honda, lol. Next time I want to own a BMW/audi or even better, Rolls Royce! =D Confess to myself =)

Thanks mervin for the red bull, kept me away during sermon =)

My IC told me drinking red bull is bad, cause after the effect wear off, I will feel super tired. LOL SO TRUE!

Instant concussion when I went back home, hahahahah.

Thank God I managed to wake up today for SOT graduation service.

CONGRATULATIONS EDWIN FOR YOUR GRADUATION!!! =)

Ok selective blogging over, going to study at MAC now. This time, I'll surely bring my keys along =)

Went to my uncle's crematory service today at Mandai. 2nd time being there in my life, 1st time was my grandfather 3 years ago.
My mum was crying non-stop when he was about to be cremated. Then I was tearing too, and I even wished he can rise from the dead at that moment.
But I know that he is happily reunited back with God in heaven, so it's okay.

Dear uncle, may we meet each other in heaven when I pass away.

I really don't want to go to Mandai again for anytime soon. It is really sad to go there. God please protect all my loved ones from harm. Amen.

I think this will be one of the another long post in quite a while, cause quite a lot of things happened since the last post.

Let's start with FOP.

Friday 31/07/09

First usher duty of FOP starts. Did internal traffic at north entrance. And I don't have formal wear(only half formal). So I looked kinda funny compared to the rest of the ushers. Didn't hear much of the sermon cause we were busy packing harvest times. After that reached home at 1am and went to sleep.

Saturday 01/08/09

Told Pin De that I'm taking break, so didn't go for support at 10am. Studied from morning till 4pm. Then went to Kallang to report for external traffic. Lol this time even worse, Smart casual(no more formal wear...haix). Then I self-volunteered to be welfare usher. Go buy bubble tea for the rest of them, hahaha. After that went to have dinner break at 8pm, then go back SIS. Didn't hear sermon again, cause was doing support, packing the crystal plaques for anniversary.

Then went for external duty till 11.30pm, last time for the shuttle bus. Then I decided to stay overnight at Kallang Mac cause don't want to waste time/money taking cab home. Anyway no last bus also. So I went back to SIS and helped out with support till 12+. Haha so many faithful/rich ushers there, all prepared to take cab home. =X

So I walked from SIS to Mac after that. It was super quiet, and I don't know how to go there. So I kept praying to God to guide me there. And I really did manage to go there on the first try! No detour or anything. Haha thank God =)

Reached there and didn't expect it to be so crowded cause it was so late at night. So I went to the area with sofa(easier to sleep) and went to sleep. Unfortunately, it was quite noisy cause there were many people there. So I had some difficulty sleeping, then sleep for 30 mins wake up and the it keep repeating. Till 2am+, I was super cold and shivering. Then I regretted not bringing any sweater along. Almost left the place and wanted to sleep on the streets, lol. But I keep telling myself, "commando training, commando training". Lol!! I think the thought of wanting to be a commando is really changing my whole mentality to difficulties.

Anyway, it became slightly less crowded after 3am and I managed to sleep til 5.30am before walking to SIS and queuing up at 6am.

Sunday 02/08/09

Reached SIS and 6am and there were quite a number of people queuing already. Saw Wei Jian and went to cut queue cause there was a huge space there, hahaha. Then he say in return, help him guard while he go to sleep. Lol, then after I think 2 hours, CG members come and we went into SIS for CHC 20th anniversary! =)

It was super duper awesome, best celebration ever! The crystal block still beside me, hehe ^^

Monday 3/08/09 to Now 6/08/09

Didn't go school for the past 3 days. Stayed at home and self-studied. Haix I feel like giving up my A levels. Told Edwin about it on Sunday and he said I cannot give up, if not he ban me from CG.

But I really don't know how to do well for it now, after my mid year result.

U U U U U B. All get U except maths get B.

Then I asked my classmates who did worse than me(yea there are people who failed every single subject) whether they want to give up. Surprisingly they said no, and they want to fight till the very end. This really encouraged me. Ok I'll not give up too...I will fight till the very end. Even if it means get a lousy C C C C C A.

But I don't know where to start now. 2 weeks to prelim and I haven't even finished revising J1 stuff, what more J2. How to study 100+ topics in 2 weeks? Thank God I don't need to study math, if not there will add on to the burden. God please help me. But even if I fail every subject, I will still follow you, just like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego.

That's so much for my life.

Now here's something for thought.

Disclaimer: Not everything said in the following is true. It is just based on personal opinions.

Ever since my 2 other friends and I got selected for commando course, we were dicussing about death. I know it isn't a really cool topic to talk about. But I'm not superstituous or anything, so it doesn't really bother me.

During the commando's VA, I realised that not only my friends and I, but the rest of the people there were also into the topic of death, which sort of intrigue me. There was this guy from RJC who was the only son in my group. By right, if you are the only son, you can reject being a commando. Because in army, commando has the highest probability of dying. And I was not surprised that they already knew this. I mean, I already long knew about the legend of commando since primary school. So I got quite amused when some people asked me what are commandos, lol. =X

Anyway, that guy really deserved my admiration. He said he wanted to be one even though he is the only son. In my group, I think more than half of the people rejected already. So I think I'm have a super high chance of getting it, whether I like it or not.

So we were talking about dying in a rather casual way. We all agreed that there are a thousand and one ways of dying. A use of figurative language of course, no one really counts, or perhaps there are such people; to keep track till hundred is a mean feat already.

Since everyone will die one day, we zoomed from the general view of death to the methods of dying. So this was a big question in everyone's mind, including yours truly.

HOW SHOULD WE DIE???

Haha, most of them said we should die peacefully, cause it is the least pain. But to me, I believed that if I should die, I want to die for a reason. Be it to die for my loved ones, for my country, or for God. I mean, why die peacefully? It is one of the most wasteful death. I rather die while skydiving in the air, even though it will be very painful, but I get to die as a commando. I rather die for the one I love, even though it will be heart-wrecking, but it will be worthwhile. I rather die for God, even though it will be long and tormenting, but my rewards are in heaven.

I realised that after this talk, I'm not afraid of dying anymore. Death, even though how malevolent it may seem, may otherwise serve some purpose in life.

Because, I've been questioning God for the past few days about my uncle's death(sorry I didn't let anyone know cause it was quite last minute and I don't want to trouble anyone to go for his funeral, which was yesterday). He was the only other Christian in my whole maternal relatives. And the worst of all, he died from lung, kidney, stomach and liver cancer. Omgosh, it is super painful la. I saw him 1 day before he passed away and he was so, so, so, so, so skinny and disfigured. The last time I saw him was Chinese New Year and he looked so normal. I can't imagine something like that. I mean I know, bad things happen to good people. But...if his time on earth was up, why can't he die from another kind of death? Like, sleep naturally or maybe a little bit worse, car accident? Why cancer?????? It is a slow, long and painful death, the worst kind of death presently. I cried when I saw his face during the funeral, and flashbacks of the times he visited during Chinese New Year, and playing with my cousins. My mum said he was the best of all the brothers she had.

The worst thing is, my aunt isn't working and both of my cousins are studying. And it is really sad, cause both of them are so smart. One graduated from NJC with straight As studying medicine, then another one currently studying in HCJC. Top JCs in the country, used to envy them. But when I see how devastated they looked, I just can't stop worrying for them. Oh God, I just pray you'll provide for their family. And I hope that my uncle will be happy, being reuniting with God.

Sometimes, life is really unpredictable. When you least expect something, it happens. Sounds familiar, yea. Deja vu.