Can't believe that Uni is gonna start in 2 weeks time and I'm going to graduate from SOT in 2 months time. Haven't been blogging for quite a while, and I really missed blogging.
Just discovered something about myself these past few months. I'm not exactly a social media kind of person; rarely post stuff on facebook and I don't have twitter despite all my friends' persuasion. (that bad till my friends had to create an account using my name, haha!) I thought it was mainly because I've a quiet personality and I don't usually share stuff with people unless they're close to me.But then I realized, it is partly due to 2 factors.
1) I'm afraid of what people will say about me, my past, the things I do, etc.
2) I'm afraid of unnecessary attention.
Both factors are the effect side of a cause-and-effect problem I had in my life.
The cause of the first factor is probably low self-esteem/image. I used to struggle with that quite badly when I was younger, couldn't trust anyone due to insecurity and betrayal by others. Eventually, I began to doubt myself. I told myself I don't have what it takes to have good relationships with others, I'm a plague and no one will want to mix around with me. No one will want to be my friend.
Those who tried to make me open up in the past in Sharon's CG would have known how difficult I was, lol. But it's thanks to all of them that I'm changed. Can imagine what I would be if not for them, just a lonely guy with no friends, trying to find significance and purpose in this world.
Now I still have a bit of that 'fear' on facebook, cause some people post stuff and comment without thinking first. The effect of social media is quite large and any wrong word that we say, can cause a huge damage. Dr.Cho once said in one of his books, -'If you got nothing good to say, it is best not to say anything at all.'
After going through army, I've learned that it is best not to say
anything at all unless necessary. Maybe it's cause the people in army
are so different from the people I mix around with.
The cause of the second factor is probably due to my personality.
Did a personality test and found out I'm 90% introvert! Didn't expect it to be that high even though I knew I was an introvert. I'm ok with attention (sometimes a bit uncomfortable) but I don't go after it. Ironically, I'm playing on stage as a keyboardist for SOT. I don't have stage fight but I'll still feel uneasy in front of a crowd. If I'm new to a group of people, I tend to stay quiet to avoid unnecessary attention. I know that I should speak out more but just afraid of saying the wrong things, haha. That's one extreme but I've known people with the other extreme, speaking out and interrupting people's conversion and I particularly don't like those kind of people (probably cause we're opposite extremes? Lol.)
Think I'll still stick to blogging cause I feel more comfortable here than facebook (unless suddenly my blog gets into some major news and I'll freak out and go crazy after that.)
Still got all my assignments for SOT haven't done yet and it's gonna be late submission. Feeling no motivation to complete them...God help me. Thought June will be the busiest month but I was so wrong. July was busier, August will be even busier and September...don't want to even say about it.
Need better time management and wisdom. Wisdom in choosing what to reject what people asked me to do stuff. As much as I want to help out in everything, I can't be in 2 places at one time.
Feeling very stressed but it's a good stress. A stress that stretches my capacity.
When I'm weak, He is strong.
