Most tiring week ever since BMT ended.

Had to do what all the drivers call a nightmare-Break track, assemble track, change track. Now I know why it's a nightmare. Super tiring physically, we had 16 people in our team and still took one whole week to do 6 vehicles. The track is super heavy, 80kg. And I got injured by the it cause my friend let go too early and it fell on my little finger. Epic pain for 1 whole day, now my finger is swollen. My father applied some ointment in an attempt to reduce the swelling. Hopefully I'll recover soon enough to resume my work next week.

It's a rhetorical question, but why must people dislike me just because I'm different from them? Just because I don't smoke, I don't club, I don't scold vulgarities, I don't have a girlfriend, I don't do all the bad things that gangsters do, I get discriminated. Going against me for every single thing I do. It's making me go back to my old ways, where I just don't want to do or say anything anymore.

Do something good, people complain not good enough.
Do something bad, people blame you.
Don't do anything, people say you 'eye power'.

So do what??? Suck thumb?

Sometimes I wish I can retaliate, don't know how many times I want to scold the f word already. Don't know how many times I wish I can just bash them all up, strangle them, torture them, make them regret what they say. Sometimes I wish I can just stop being the good guy, stop being so tolerant, just be the bad guy for once, or maybe more if necessary.

That's was how I thought for the whole week till this morning, when it all changed.

Was going to play Maplestory (This is the only game my com can support now -.-) and waiting for it to load, then I saw this book called "Driven by eternity" by John Bevere in one corner. I read it before and bookmarked it, so I went back and continue reading. The topic was "The Great Falling Away", which was about the Book of Life. In summary, those names that are written in it will go to heaven and conversly, those names not written in it will go to hell.

Quoting from the book:

John emphatically tells us the only people who will be admitted into the eternal city of God are "only those who are written in the Lamb's Book of Life" (Rev. 21:27); the rest will find themselves in the assembly of the dead.

In Revelation 3, Jesus speaks to a church-not a city, a group of lost people, or worshippers of false gods. No, he spoke to those who are truly His, and warns: "He who overcomes shall be clothed in white garments, and I will not blot out his name from the Book of Life" (Rev. 3:5, emphasis mine). The Amplified Bible records His words, "I will not erase or blot out his name fromt he Book of Life" (emphasis mine).

Did you notice the word erase? The only way to have your name erased from the Book of Life is for it to originally be there. Only those who have been truly born again through faith in Jesus Christ are recorded in the Book of Life. The unbelievers and even the deceived, who never truly walked with Jesus, were never written in this book, so their names cannot be blotted out. He is speaking to those "in the family".

So the next question is, why will our names be blotted out??

Quoting again from the book:

Jesus reminded me of the following Scripture: Hebrews 6:4-6 (KJV)

4. For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost, 5. And have tasted the good work of God, and the powers of the world to come, 6. If they fall away, to renew them again unto repentance; seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh, and put him to an open shame.

Once a person comes to this state, they can never again be reborn. For the reason the writer of Hebrews says it is "impossible. . . to renew them again unto repentance." So it's quite erroneous to think we can have situations in which people are born again again.
Again let me reiterate, if a person commits this sin, they wouldn't have a desire to repent and live all out for Jesus ever again. For no one can draw us to Jesus except the Holy Spirit, and once He departs a true believer as a result of their apostasy, He will not return. For this reason the Holy Spirit is longsuffering. He will not give up easily.

When I read all this (and more further on but a lot to type out), I was deeply convicted.

If I have to endure all this crap to get to heaven, I'll gladly do it. If I have to control myself, don't retaliate and just let them say all they want, I'll do it. Love is the greatest motivator. I don't want to depart from God cause I love God, and I want to see His face for the rest of eternity. I can't let all those people separate me from Him. So I'm going to endure all this crap for the next 79 weeks of my life, and spend the rest of my life in eternity up there in heaven.