As usual, I have been busy with preparing for my final exams and somehow I always feel that I'm not adequately prepared for the exams, especially when I'm competing with scholars from different parts of the world that will shift the bell curve higher.
I've always tell my friends, cg mates and class mates that I'm not smart, and to make up for my lack of intelligence, I work hard. But it dawned on me that in University, sometimes working hard is not enough. You need a certain level of intelligence in order to survive in here. That's why so many people drop out and fail during the 1st year. I can totally understand that after failing one of my quiz and just 2 days ago, I sat for my maths exam and it had 3 questions, 15 marks each. I only knew how to do 1 of the question, and still not sure if my answer is correct. Which means I'll probably get less than 15/45. I seriously studied very hard for the exam, did all the tutorials, re-do them again, did past year papers and went through every single chapter. But the questions that are tested are beyond my intelligence. Felt really depressed after the exam and I could have every reason to feel frustrated and angry but I chose not to, because I'm really hoping for a miracle from God, that the bell curve will shift in my favor.
Felt really blessed by what Pst.Aries shared today during prayer meeting. Most of us only believe in God when we see some miracle happening, but the bible says "Blessed are those who do not see, yet believe." There are even those who see miracles happening, yet still choose not to believe. I'm blessed when I choose to believe even when I cannot see the future, and even though I don't know what the future holds for me, I choose to believe that God is good. Even if the outcome, in our perspective, it may seems bad, but to God, I'm sure He knows what He is doing, and all things work together for the good of God to those who love Him.
I can't deny how good God is to me in my life, after countless of blessings and miracles He have done for me. For my studies, I would say getting ABCCD for A levels from SEEUU for prelims without studying is considerably a HUGE miracle, something I would never have been able to do. It's really by the grace of God. And not just in my studies, but also in my personal life, my healing, my parent's healing, too many examples to list all out.
I like what Pastor. Kong said in one of his message. When we receive good things, we don't question God, "God, why are you blessing me?" But when we encounter trials and tribulations, we question God, "God, why is this happening to me?" It's just human nature to remembers bad things more often that good things. Psychological studies have shown that for every negative statement you say to a person, you need to say 4 positive statements to negate that effect. So often, the world we live in is already filled with negativity. The television and newspaper are full of negative news, the place we study/work in have people constantly shafting insults and negative comments into our ears and the list goes on.
Wouldn't the world be a better place with more positivity in it? I think there is enough negativity going on already. I could use some people with encouraging words to say to me, especially during the next 2 weeks of final exams.
I'm still believing and praying for a 1st class honors, despite the chance of it being very small. But even if I don't get it, God is sovereign.
Oh Lord, may the things I desire be according to your will. If not, permit it to be so not to grant them at all.
